Housewife from Bensonhurst
what's wrong in the world.
1 JoAnn From Bensonhurst (First Rant)
"I'm the Real housewife." "I wanna see Mayor Bloomberg come here and shovel this." "A housewife is a woman who stays home and caters to her family... I'm the one the only one that does that anymore." "The magic fairy comes and stuff your refrigerator with food." "This is what you're supposed to hang on a clothesline, not dead fish..." "What do I gotta be on $h8t patrol every day?" "These are real!"
2 JoAnn's Bout with the Mayor
"I don't like that you (Mayor Bloomberg) put down the Irish" "I think you drink botox" "Comedians... Jay Leno, the other guy with the red hair" "...I'm very worried about the economy... the rents are out of control..." "I got the job of my dreams, a housewife." "The only thing he washes is his a$$, and if I could do that for him too..."
3 Jo-Ann on the Water Bills
"They're fu&*(ng robbing me" "Free should be coming out of your sink" "You're not the king of Siam..." "Some day we're gonna have to have a family shower..."You can't take a shower, you can't take a sh#*...Soon we'll be charged for air..."
4 Jo-Ann Vs. The Grocery Store
"I shoulda still been breastfeeding..." "Go milk him yourself... then i realized I don't have grass, how am I gonna feed the cow?" "I gotta get a chicken too" "it's a luxury to have egg-salad today..." "Breast-milk... it's gonna be cheaper than cows-milk."
5 JoAnn VS the Filthy Subways
"Enter at your own risk, the New York Sewer System..." "Filth..." "I want to look at the rats on the tracks" "They can put a man on the moon but they can't clean a train..." "Germs and filth... and you want more money... you gotta pay me to get on a train..."
6 JoAnn vs. The Electric Bill
"I got a $700 electric bill..." "I gotta see if my son can marry someone related to the Con-Edison Family..." "I'm getting like a crazy old lady thats cooking in the dark" I'm gonna get myself a pair of night vision goggles" "I even shower with the lights off... I know where everything is, I don't have to guess where my parts are..."
7 Joann VS. Texting
"Texting while they're driving, that should be a felony offense" "Soon blind people can drive better than people can text." If they're texting on the toilet their fu#($ng phone should fall into the toilet bowl" "Condom of the future, sexting on the phone."
8 JoAnn VS Spaghetti Brawlers
"I ain't getting on that subway... you get goosed, pinched, throwed up on, spit up on, sneezed on... meatballs flying in the air, spaghetti on the floor..." "What are you the etiquette lady. you got no etiquette, you got no couth for yellin and calling them animals, you're an animal..." "If you didn't have your bodyguard mike tyson blocking for you a good samaritan... you'd be calling 1800 Dentist"
9 Taking On Con Edison and Her Electric Bill
_"I got a $700 electric bill..." "I gotta see if my son can marry someone related to the Con-Edison Family..." "I'm getting like a crazy old lady thats cooking in the dark" I'm gonna get myself a pair of night vision goggles" "I even shower with the lights off... I know where everything is, I don't have to guess where my parts are..."
10 JoAnn VS Parking
"In some neighborhoods peopple try to use garbage pails to hold spots, in this neighborhood they'll take the garbage pail put it in the car and take the spot..." "I got a car back here it's not a helecoptor, it's not a plane it doesnt fly up, it's gotta pull out just like yours..." "...you gotta park on the roof, where the fu%& else you gonna park these cars?"
11 JoAnn VS Maiden Names
"It's an honor to take your husband's name... keep a tradition..." "You can take his money but you wont take his name, you'll take his blood once you fu$(*ng leave him, but you won't take his name."